Pride Guide 1999

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE A-13

P-FLAG fathers are a tribute to family values

by Michelle Nichols

On Father's Day, June 20, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG) will honor the fathers and grandfathers who offer acceptance and support to their gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender loved ones every day.

These "P-FLAG dads" demonstrate the family values and unconditional love that define fatherhood. They have chosen to champion their children, to educate themselves

"Clearly, Steve's

coming out was a catalyst in improving our relationship.”

and their communities and to keep their families together.

P-FLAG dads of all ages in small towns and large cities alike are active across the country in the organization's network of 425 chapters, working for safety and equal rights for their own children and for all gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people.

P-FLAG dads are everywhere—they're lawyers, ministers, police officers, teachers, retirees and next-door neighbors. Many wonderful fathers are here in Ohio, and three agreed to share their stories of acceptance and personal growth with us.

Although they are from different backgrounds, the three fathers featured here share the common denominators of honesty, the ability to laugh at themselves, and pride in

their gay sons and the personal growth they achieved from the their own coming out process.

Steve Schildcrout and son Jordan

Dr. Steve Schildcrout is a professor of chemistry at Youngstown State University. Originally from Chicago, he and his family have resided in Youngstown for 30 years. He is the father of two sons. One son is married, lives in Detroit, and has two children. His other son, Jordan Shildcrout, is gay, 29 years old, and a graduate student in New York City, where he lives with his partner of two years.

In 1984, Jordan was 14 years old, and enrolled in a summer program in Pittsburgh. He called his mother and asked her to check his room for some books he thought he might have left behind. His mother, in her search, found some gay literature.

"Prior to finding this stuff, we didn't have a clue," the elder Schildcrout said. After finding the literature in her son's room, Jordan's mother phoned him, and the process of coming to accept that their son was gay began.

"We started in ignorance," Shildcrout said. "In 1984 there was little media, we knew nothing about what it meant to be gay, what his life would be like. AIDS was just coming into the scene then, and as parents, we were very fearful for our son's life."

The Schildcrouts went through a great deal of emotional strife as a result of this coming out process.

"We went through a lot of guilt," Schildcrout recalled. "We wanted to know what we did wrong? Was it our fault? Part of our genetic make-up?”

The one thing Schildcrout was sure of, even through all of this emotional upheaval, was that both he and his wife wanted to keep a close relationship with their son.

"There was never any doubt that we loved him. Supporting Jordan was a top priority."

Steve Schildcrout and his son Jordan

Schildcrout eloquently summed up his confusion on parenting a gay son in this manner, "A parent is supposed to be able to support a child based on the parent's life experience. But, with a gay son, what were we to do? What experience could we use?”

Schildcrout's process of education began with his first P-FLAG meeting in Youngstown, about seven years after they had learned their son was gay.

"My wife and I didn't say a word at our first couple of meetings," Schildcrout said. "We didn't participate, but it was helpful to

meet other parents and gay and lesbian people. Until then, the only gay person we knew was our son."

The ability of the gay and lesbian members to open up to others, and share what life was like for them, helped Schildcrout and his wife, Toni, to better understand their son. After the education process, the Schildcrouts also went through the emotional process.

"I had to go beyond just understanding from a comprehensive point of view," Shildcrout said. "I wanted to feel good when my son told me about a new boyfriend. Continued on next page

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